& then there were three

(2/9) Arriving at the prison today, F.A.  runs up to me. The words that come out don’t make sense to me “I’m leaving.” What? I recall her telling me that she has three more years to serve, can it be that they are letting her out early?  But then I listen. I see the fear in her eyes and hear the anguish in her words. “I’m going back to Perryville tomorrow.” She continues, “ I won’t be able to finish my classes and receive my sacraments!” 

It has been 25 weeks since F.A. started this process with 3 other women – to leave it unfinished is like another failure but more than that is means uncertainty and confusion. It also creates a gap of time in which doubt and futility can get in the way of her search for God.

Being in prison has a way of stripping away everything that is good and loving.  There are no guarantees that a person will be here one day to the next. Nothing is sacred. While that is true with life, it happens here more often and on most occasions there is no choice in what happens to you.

The chaplain’s assistant, S.B. tells me not to worry F.A.  will be fine at Perryville, they have some excellent prison ministers and she can start the process again. I know that is true. But what I also know is - just because someone can start over again and just because there are great “programs” that can help them doesn’t mean that F.A. will be able to continue.  S.B. doesn’t understand the close bond that has been formed in this small group of believers. She doesn’t understand the support and strength that F.A. has found in her own community. F.A. feels as though her family has been torn away from her – again. Her sense of normalcy, what little you can find in prison, is shattered. How many times does a person get knocked down and still come up in one piece? I know that God will be there for her, but will she get up and continue her journey to him? I hope so.  

23 women were sent back to Perryville. Perryville is the large facility north of Phoenix that houses the majority of women prisoners in the state of Arizona.  My visits are to the smaller unit in Tucson. I’m told that F.A. is going to the San Carlos unit. This is good news. A former sponsor and newly baptized member of our group - A.I. is there.  We hope that F.A. can find her and perhaps A.I. can help her finish her studies.   Pray that she finds the fortitude to finish.